Losing Yourself in Motherhood Isn’t the Problem — It’s the Point

They say, “Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.”Like it’s something to fear. Like it’s a mistake you’ve made. Like there's something wrong with surrendering your old life to hold something new.

But here’s the quiet truth…I didn’t lose myself. I offered myself. Willingly. Lovingly. Entirely. Because how could I remain unchanged when tiny fingers wrapped around mine for the very first time? When I became the answer to someone else’s every cry?

This is the hidden grace of motherhood—it doesn’t erase you. It refines you. It calls forth the softer parts. The quieter strength. The nurturing instincts you never knew you had.

And yes… it asks you to lay things down.

Your schedule. Your spotless kitchen (which is still the hardest one for me to accept). Your independence. Sometimes even your body. But in the laying down, something holy rises up.

Motherhood Is a Reorientation

It’s not that I stopped caring about who I was. It’s that I started caring about something more. I began to see the world through my children’s eyes—Curious. Vulnerable. Pure.

And with that shift came a thousand quiet decisions. Little choices that don’t seem loud to the world, but echo through our home every single day. Our goal is to do our best every day as mothers.

I dove into nontoxic living for them.

I stopped lighting candles that filled the room with artificial scents—because their little lungs were still growing. I swapped dryer sheets for wool balls and essential oils—because clean clothes shouldn't come at the cost of hormone disruptors. I cleaned out our plastic bins filled with cheap toys—and began choosing slower, safer, and more intentional play items. I learned how to read the labels I used to ignore. I discovered that “clean” isn’t always clean, and the word “fragrance” hides far more than it reveals.

These changes didn’t happen overnight. They weren’t part of a trend or a checklist. They were born out of something deeper—the sacred instinct to protect.

Nontoxic Living Is Just an Extension of Love

People hear "nontoxic" and they think extreme. Expensive. Inconvenient. But I think of it as love in action. Love that pays attention. Love that questions what’s always been done, and how to challenge the norm. Love that isn’t afraid to go slower, smaller, or simpler. Love that isn’t afraid to go against the grain. It’s not about living in fear—it’s about living in alignment.

If I’m going to pour everything I have into my home, into these tiny hearts I’m raising…then I want the air we breathe, the food we eat, and the water we drink to match the love I’m trying to build.

We now use castile soap and vinegar to clean the counters where their snacks land. We grow herbs in windowsills and our outdoor garden to teach our kids what nourishment means. We talk about how things are made, what they’re made of, and why it matters.

No, we don’t do it perfectly. That’s not the goal. The goal is to be awake. To care. To keep choosing presence over convenience, again and again.

The Old Me Wasn't Bad—She Just Wasn't Ready

I look back on the old version of myself with compassion, but it took me a long time to get there. I used to judge myself and wonder why it took me so long to start caring about what I put into my body, wanting to relive again, knowing what I know now.

That girl was someone different. She was efficient. She was tidy. She was focused, and driven. But she made mistakes from a lack of knowledge in knowing why ingredients mattered. She didn’t know what was in the lotion she rubbed on her skin. She didn’t know that the food she ate would one day nourish not just her, but her baby.

Motherhood cracked her open. Revealed the gaps. Softened the sharp edges. She was becoming.

Now, the days are louder and messier. But they’re also fuller. Deeper. Rooted. This Is the Point.

So when people say, “Don’t lose yourself in motherhood,” I can’t help but smile, because I already did.

Losing myself has brought me closer to who I am today. And if in the process I’ve let go of old routines, toxic habits, things that never served me — then I count that as a win.

Because what we’re building hereis more than just a home. It’s a refuge that’s safe from the world. Where tiny bodies can grow from nourishment. Where joy lives in the everyday details. Where motherhood isn’t a role I play—it’s the most real, raw, meaningful calling of my life. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

Simple Swaps That Changed Our Life

For the mamas ready to make small changes that honor your becoming, here are a few we started with:

• Switched from scented candles to beeswax candles + diffuser blends for cleaner air, calmer moods, and no artificial fragrance

• Made a “no shoes rule” in our house to keep out unwanted bacteria, pesticides, and more.

• Replaced plastic toys with wooden ones made with safer materials, for less overwhelm, and deeper, more mindful play.

• Chose mineral based sunscreen + fragrance-free lotions, body washes and shampoos that are gentler on sensitive skin and endocrine systems.

• Swapped my laundry detergent for DIY, and used wool dryer balls with lavender oil instead of dryer sheets, for fresh-smelling laundry without toxins.

• Made all my own cleaning products with vinegar, castile soap, and baking soda for a kid-safe, pet-safe, cost-effective solution.

Remember—it’s not about doing everything at once. It’s about becoming someone who notices and makes small, sensible changes. Someone who grows mindful of their surroundings, and cares enough to try.

You’re doing a great job mama.

Stay well,

Jenna

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